i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
