fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
