Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
