not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's official drugs can't kill me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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