mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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