Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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