allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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