went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
