By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cockslap morals
love makes seman taste better
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
