i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
