HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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