that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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