Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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