Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my poor anus
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize