oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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