That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
