in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
