i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
