u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
