All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
