No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
