I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
