i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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