There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My feet surprised me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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