You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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