Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
