so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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