It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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