Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
