: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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