I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
