Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
