i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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