$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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