New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
