i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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