sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
