I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
