Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
