I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
