i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
