Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
