I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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