Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
