I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
