My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
