i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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