I wish you could order shots online.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
