I got her a Nickelback box set.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
