wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
