dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I party with great urgency now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
