Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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