never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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