He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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