I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
