***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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