I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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