I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
