I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
