Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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