peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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