you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
