i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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