As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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