Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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